2014

Christmas Day 2014

Now I am starting to feel like these really are the Hairy Nights. The old winter solstice German nights, with the night of the Wild Hunt right in the middle of them. I am feeling pagan juices flowing again. Everything I dismissed in London as boring suddenly starts to glow with erotic possibility again. 

Thinking of a Hairy Night trip to Vienna again. A pagan torches flaming wild hunt to Europe once more. The  Hairy Nights. When I think about it, that time I went with Andrea was the only time I have been to Brussels without drinking at St Pancras first. And the only time I got to 5th full of life. Drinking at St P before Eurostar means I am already down by the time I arrive and as I know it is impossible to ever really get up and sparking again after that. I want to fuck all those 5th girls now, God just to be with them naked! Big girl! Black hair Romanian. Want to fuck all those Manhattan girls now! Just to lie naked with them, enjoy that naked abandon, soft touches, soft breasts.

22nd December 2014

Only words written in extreme loneliness or when travelling mean anything. Only songs I hear when travelling or see a stripper dancing to  mean anything. Travel imprints things on me like a rubber stamp, or a branding iron. A great stripper does the same thing. Intense loneliness does as well because then I am writing in blood. It is pure truth, from the edge of the precipice.

My four day stomach bug seems to be coming to an end. I always take these fevers as a sign I need to change my life, to purify my life. And I will do that again now. Just a little hint from my body (therefore from my sub-conscious) that yes, things may well be looking up and moving in the right direction now, but before I step into this new year there are some things that would be better left behind.

18th December 2014

What a strange life I lead. My jealous hate-filled enemies fill me with power and pleasure, the people who try to love me crush me and suffocate me. Yes I want to live in this coldness, this bleakness. This fog. This muffled swaddled silence. To go through a whole day without speaking to anyone, and then do it again the next day. Just quietly live my life alone with my books. The cold icy air of the mountains. The cold crashing waves of a bleak North Sea coast.This freshness. This fresh air filling your lungs, those deep gulps of cold icy air filling you with power and excitement.

10th December 2014

I put my books on Amazon like putting them in a bank vault, and sealing them in a time capsule. No one is interested in them now, of course not, but when I am dead, and people start to dig around and wonder “who was this strange man?”, they are all there on Amazon waiting for them, and they will be discovered. Hopefully by then, many many years from now, it will be quite a sizeable and unique body of work. It seems to have little value now, some man going to strip clubs and brothels and night bars, amongst other places, and writing about it, but decades from now, perhaps when prostitution and stripping and pornography and masturbation have long since been banned, my books will be unearthed and dusted off, the cobwebs swept away, and it will be an incredible record of a world long since disappeared, like Charlton Heston discovered the head of the Statue of Liberty sticking out of the beach. 

    Van Gogh only ever sold one painting in his lifetime? Kafka never published a single book in his lifetime? In his last year of life Fitzgerald sold just 7 copies of The Great Gatsby and thought himself a failure. I am patient. I can play the long game, long after I am dead if necessary. I want my time on this earth to be recorded in minute detail, every day of it. I want those who betrayed me to be ignored, and those who stood by me to be recorded. Only those who never let my trust down deserve to be remembered. No one remembers the names of the people who spat at Oscar Wilde in the street, but we always remember him, and remember the names of those who helped him. 

26th November 2014

Haha when I suddenly bizarrely feel forces all moving and gathering against me in the shadows is when I come to life and feel most excited. Take me on if you can! I will play you all like a piano. I will defeat you again. Let your moths bash their tiny brains out against my blazing lighthouse. Let us see when they are going to show themselves, and expose themselves. I am actually so excited now. I feel excited for the battle to come. The soldier's minute. 

19th November 2014

It is so strange when a building is knocked down and completely razed to the ground, and you look at the empty space and think of all the memories that took place in the building that used to stand there, the loves, the sex, the grief, the laughter, the FILMING! Some psychic charge seems left behind, but it is only in your head I suppose. It is very disconcerting. In Vienna I feel it when I look at the empty lot where Milena’s Bad Timing apartment used to be, when I look at the hole in the Gurtel like a missing tooth where Pour Platin used to be, HQ of the whole red light district where I lost my Vienna virginity to the stunningly beautiful Maria. In London going up Windmill Street past the models’ flats opposite the old Red Lion where Marx and Engels attended the 1st Communist League meeting in London, the flat where I used to see Ana Maria, now a ghastly new hotel and square.

17th November 2014

Looking back at my first three books I see now I was always depressed, in pain, cut up, feeling completely skinless and naked; things only start to change when I start drinking a lot near the beginning of the 3rd book., and commence a series of three visits to Munich and three visits to Berlin. After that I start to have pleasurable, thrilling, dramatic experiences, I open up like a flower, and start to bloom and blossom and flourish. I have broken hearts and tears and rages, but I am starting to have real experiences; I am really starting to grow, and it was allowing drink into my life that was the catalyst and the fuel for that. It was the combustion engine. If the pressure society put me under was the Bessemer Furnace that produced my writing, then alcohol was the combustion engine that got me moving and going places and doing things, which started to banish depression behind me like shedding a black cloak.

I find  it interesting to look back and analyse my own books, (of course I do! I love myself. I am completely self obsessed and inward looking) as if reading the books of someone else, and working out what kind of person was he, and how did he change over the years he writes about? The excruciating pain that lacerated my soul screams out of Autismus, Lotta, and the start of The Cold Icy Air of the Mountains. It is only when i start drinking more, and through that find the courage to start doing more naughty, sexual things on my travels in Europe, that the pain starts to be replaced by pleasure, and the incredible large-bosomed floozies of Berlin and Munich, and I start to come into myself. By the end of the third book and start of the fourth I am actually tired and wearied of all this pleasure and want something more real and substantial! The fifth will see me finally, after a long struggle ( a 3-year struggle when I wrote not a word), having this something real, but after a year of marriage to a woman deeply loved, perhaps starting to regret this longing, and thinking perhaps be careful what you wish for! And indeed trying to wriggle my way back to the pleasure without substance of the previous few years. The sixth book I think will see me completely free once more and living a life of mindless pleasure once more, and that is where I am really up to now. 

As I always say, it is the strip clubs and the brothels that taught me how to live. First in Soho in London, then to Munich Schillerstraße and Berlin Stuttgarter Platz. In Vienna I never actually did very much; from 1999 to 2013 I only ever had sex with one lady of the night; it was only in the first  months of 2014 that Vienna started to come to life for me, with the discoveries of the Fortuna and WSK kinos.

4th November 2014

The rubbishness of London also prompting me to return to Vienna soon as possible.

When I am at home I just feel I am wasting my time. Better to be at work earning money; and how much more exciting to spend this time in a Vienna hotel room wanking while drinking bottles of beer before heading out to two great porn cinemas, and finishing night in night bar. My life will be very hard when I retire because of this profligacy now but you have to live to the maximum while you are young and healthy. Being at home seems so pointless--EXCEPT FINISH COLD ICY AiR OF THE MOUNTAINS..

So was my 3½ year marriage a mistake? Like the academic when asked if the French Revolution was a good thing or a bad thing, "it is too soon to tell". For me it has totally changed my mindset for the better. I was miserable and depressed all my life before I married, and then I became depressed and miserable. A complete turnaround! Haha!. No, since we came back together on Twelfth Night 2010, I have never known a moment of depression. It was cured, and I think has gone forever. The memories of the 3½ years always make me happy, and are like a well I can always draw on. She without a doubt is the best thing that has ever happened to me. It was like a chrysalis stage I had to go through, a metamorphosis. I went in a caterpillar and flew away a butterfly.

11th October 2014

I love to go to some cheap, low, sleazy night bar or strip bar or tingel tangel, and find the most incredible sexy beauty so much better than her surroundings. What is such a diamond doing amidst such sleaze? That is what I live for, finding these diamonds, like a pig searching for truffles. In Brussels, Berlin, Vienna and Munich. Even in Soho in the last 6 months I have found the most extraordinary beauties: Roxy, Zara, Spanish Maria, Italian Maria, Colombian Lavina, Greek Mariana.

In fact I would say in my experience the more low quality the place the more high quality the girls you will meet, real natural sexy beauties. Not stuck up fake skinny bitches, but real warm curvy sexy girls. That is what makes me think if only I had been able to search those smaller places in Munich I might yet have found some real erotic excitement (at a price). The more 'high quality' the place the more you know you will not find anything genuinely sexy or sexual. They are found in the smaller places, the lower dives. 

4th October 2014

There is only a tiny remnant left of the red light district in the Gurtel in Vienna, and in Stuttgarter Platz Berlin, and in Soho in London! This is how the ice retreats. Or this is how the seas and lakes and rivers dry up, and the once lush green paradise will become a world of dried-up empty river beds. Oh to go back to a Victorian lushness, when rivers surged, with all the erotic connotations that implies. A primordial lushness.

29th September 2014

Now I am free to continue travelling as well. This is my time of the year. I went to Angel for two pints then to haircut and I had the beautiful sexy brunette girl cutting my hair, tight pink T-shirt over huge tits, blue jeans. Her tits brushed my shoulders every time she moved round me, one time she even apologised as she knocked me with then, "Oh I am sorry"; almost the whole time my elbows were pressed into her pudenda, or her pudenda was pressing into my elbows. Gorgeous smile from her when I left, "have a nice day!" Totally intoxicating, as sexy as any private dance. The way she held the top of my head with one hand while the fingers of her other hand gently touched against my cheek. It was so erotic. I want to have my hair cut every day now. but curses I normally get the male barber. I cannot wait to go  back anyway. One of the sexiest moments of the whole year, and it has been a year of them.

22nd September 2014

Spent Monday exploring outside of the Greek Street Corridor again. Never again. Brewer Street upstairs Polish Karina. Actually a pretty girl with very nice big bosoms but cold and unfriendly demeanour and bra stayed on. Surely they know if they treat you like they don't want you there the customers will never go back? Downstairs the older black-haired woman who has been around for years and has a tiny little dog in the room with her.

Peter Street the blonde fake-looking bosomed porn star-looking girl upstairs, and little blonde Denisa downstairs. I take back what I said. Denisa very unsweet and rude this time. I understand them getting annoyed with time wasters but if they no longer are allowed to put their names outside the door how on earth are we supposed to know who is there until we are shown into the bedroom by the maid? We are not psychic. If I had known Denisa was there I would not have knocked and wasted her time.

4 Lisle Street upstairs was big voluptuous blonde Krista. I found her very attractive, even more so than Karina, but again such a cold unfriendly demeanour like she cannot wait for you to leave and hopes never to see you again. A smile would probably cost you a hundred quid extra but she would probably refuse even then. A shame, because she is really sexy to look at, but I could not face that coldness again.

Totally demoralised now I went to the Molly Moggs just feeling like going home. Fortunately so many sexy girls passing the windows, and my beer goggles finally forming, I pressed on to Roxy at 8 Greek. Christ this girl really makes an effort to make you feel desirable, like she really wants you there. An extraordinarily generous girl. It is hard not to fall in love with a girl like Roxy. Though I agree with Doughslayer, she looks so different to how I remember her I still keep wondering if she IS the same Roxy as before.

On to Zara in the 52 Greek basement. Everything I just said about Roxy applies to her too. 

With Karina & Krista I couldn't help feeling I got less than I paid for.  With Roxy & Zara I felt I got way MORE than what I paid for. Two extraordinary, sexy, generous girls. 

29th August 2014

KIMMY AND SPANISH MARY ARE FU MANCHU GIRLS REMEMBER! I AM IN A FU MANCHU FILM. 1905 LONDON. GORGEOUS COCK BETWEEN MY LEGS. 

28th August 2014

Jenna Coleman sexy in Victorian Dr Who. See Kimmy as a Fu Manchu girl in a Victorian London. I am in a movie with her. In a Fu Manchu movie. Roxy too, and Zara, and Spanish Mary, and Italian Mary, and Sasha, all Fu Manchu girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They are banning prostitution across Europe, country by country. Now the EU bans hoovers with a powerful suck. Anything with a powerful suck. Realise my power. Realise the power of that gorgeous big cock between my legs. Yes I hate airports and planes, and but what joy is that QUICKNESS. In less than 2 hours I can get from Heathrow terminal to my Munich hotel and start my erotic adventures.

I miss the great old porn cinemas of London from my first days in Soho, the Astral and Soho and Sunset. I would spend 5 or 6 hours in there and this was when smoking was still allowed. I used to be close to passing out. All the alcohol in my head almost rendered me unconscious, all the smoke I was breathing in almost made me unconscious, and bringing myself to the very point of orgasm then stopping made me almost unconscious, and then! and only then, ready to explode I would rush to a Soho model around the corner! Heady times! Extraordinary times! Now to find that exotic erotic cocktail of pleasures, including the smoke!, I have to go to Brussels for Cine Paris, Rue Commercants and 5th Avenue, or to Vienna for Fortuna or WSK where brilliantly the porn cinemas and the girls are in one and the same place, amidst the ferns and fauna, and violin music, orchestra playing discreetly in the corner while the assignation and nods and winks are taking place. Just walk through the lobby and give a girl a little nod and you know she will follow you into the cinema. Simple as that to have the most fantastic sex. Stuttgarter Platz used to offer this cocktail, but it seems almost totally gone now. What extraordinary times when you could go from Chocolat, into Hanky Panky, into Mon Cheri, into Starlight, into Night Dreams, into Golden Gate, into Blue Bananas, into Sissi Bar, into Monte Carlo kino, all next door to each other!!!!! Now just Sissi and Monte Carlo left; there is Bon Bon along the road and 77 around the corner. That is it for the Platz now. The Gurtel in Vienna almost wiped out the same. A decimated remnant of what it once was. 

25th August 2014

So yes I hate plane travel, but flying really is the cheapest, and the least painful way to travel. To Munich in 1 hour 30 minutes, to Vienna in 2 hours. Maximum time then for drinking, eating and fucking. I think I will have to go back to Brussels next, to make sure I am sated with it, THEN I can go on to Munich and Nuremberg, and only after that to Vienna, Cafe Westend and WSK. But let me do Brussels one more time, to push it to breaking point. Back to Cafe du Dome, Cine Paris, Celtica Bar, Rue Commercants, 5th Avenue.

I got SO turned on with Julia in 5th didn’t I! To put alongside the first time with Amanda in Vienna, and busty blonde in Fortuna. Genuine animal top of head blowing off desire which  I thought I had left behind years ago. It is back! A new golden age.

Easy to take for granted I was fucking that extraordinary black sexy Sau Paulo girl in every position and was so turned on. And “gangbanged” Amanda in WSK. Incredible things now becoming common. I have to spend everything on travel.

I look for those moments when I can really get turned on, so my head is exploding with lust, like the old days, and I thought they were all gone--but this year in Vienna I met big old blonde in Fortuna and Amanda in WSK, and last week I met Sao Paulo Julia in Brussels 5th Avenue. Add to that Greek Mariana and Bulgarian Zara and Italian Maria in Soho. Extraordinary times once again.

Milena Velba in body stocking. Fantastic new songs I have discovered, starting with Lo Rider, Detachable Penis, Pussy Be Yankin---now I DO want to go see -- today!!!!!!!!!  Well I am proud of myself, this Sunday I did force myself to leave early and walk all the way to Romilly Street to check Sasha, and then went to Fly to get names and find out about Monday. Today maybe one step further, a beer or two then fuck Sasha and Kimmy and Roxy. A Cannon Street McDonald's before work.*************"What joy to be on a night shift with the heavy rain pouring constantly down outside, traffic hissing through it, The Proms loudly on the radio: Sphärenklänge Waltz by Josef Strauss. Budapest Festival Orchestra. Oh and now the Blue Danube Waltz. How it makes me yearn to be back in Vienna, the Cafe Westend, WSK, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda. Every time your Austrian Airline plane lands in Vienna (or presumably anywhere) they play the Blue Danube waltz over the intercom while you wait to disembark. A nice touch.

Some lingering thoughts on Brussels? The Celtica Bar around the corner from O'Reillys I actually prefer. They have a happy hour which seems to last all day, half Maes for 1 Euro, pint of Maes for 2 euros! This is the place if you want to drink cheaply. Then 5th Avenue had at least FOUR 10 out of 10 girls, the only problem is how on Earth do you choose."

11th August 2014

Half in Calcutta. Porcupine had nowhere to sit so I walked on to the Ape & Grope which was closed down, repainted and being refurbished! On to Cambridge, too crowded, so ended up in Molly Moggs, for 2½ pints. Actually saw quite a few gorgeous sexy girls which actually got me turned on. Had half in Montagu Puke just so I could use their lavatories, then round to Bateman Street. Upstairs was that black-haired Colombian Tatiana, but she was quite flat-chested and not as pretty as I remembered. Down to busty blonde Kimmy, who was prettier and sexier than I remembered. Went for 10 minutes, couldn’t finish but she was sweet and offered to take condom off and finish  me by hand. When she was leaning over bed tidying bed her hanging breasts looked huge and heavy. Gorgeous sight. I will go  back to her. Straight round to Zara. Her breasts always take me by surprise by their size. £55 for 20 minutes. Her  cuddling me, then standing up so I could see her, then on top, then missionary, then sideways facing each other, legs curled together. She can grip my cock really tightly that way and I came straightaway, while she carried on squeezing because it pleasured her clitoris she said. Two very nice encounters.

15th July 2014

Monday in Berlin I had some beers and double vodkas then walked to Stutti. Hanky Panky open now called the Ex Bar or something, same woman behind bar but no more girls. Sissi had one really old girl and one boring young girl, Monte Carlo three plump Bulgarians who looked like sisters including Vanessa huge! 77 mediocre girls, Angelica on holiday. Took wrong turning so never even passed BEC. Just walked back home and that was it. Had McDonalds.

14th July 2014

That is WHY it is right to travel, and spend all the money I earn, and live like a firefly. Burn brightly while I am still young and healthy. So what I owe £11,900, I could die of a heart disease next year, and I will be glad I ran up such a huge debt that I now can escape paying back! So what I will be in debt when I am a pensioner. I don’t want to live till I am 90 or a 100. I would rather die when my body starts to fail, and let me die owing £20,000. At least when I get to 50, 55, I will have some incredible memories. Look at the memories just from THIS YEAR! That incredible top of my head blowing off erotic moment with Fortuna Kino busty blonde, with Amanda in WSK! Discovering Cafe Westend. Last year there was Cine Paris and 5th Avenue. All this money was money well spent. The research I did in Nuremberg, all those dancers bars.

Stupid to live like a monk now, never travelling, just working, sleeping, working, all to slowly slowly chip away at my debt month after month. For what?? Next year I die of heart disease or something else, and I think why did I waste all that time doing nothing, just working and saving, and sitting bored at home?! No. Keep travelling, repeatedly, while I am young and healthy and while I still find it pleasurable. Let the debt slowly build. They can chase me for it when I am an old pensioner, dying.

11th July 2014

So went out Friday morning 1034, but did not feel in the mood for it, already overdone things with Mariana the night before. Forced myself to drink some pints in Waxy's before Italian Maria. In doggy style I actually made her cry out with pain twice and had to apologise, She holds onto my cock with her hand the whole time in that position, she must be quite small inside. What an amazing sight though. Have to go back to her one day soon.

10th July 2014

Woke up depressed by how much I spent yesterday, but soon wanted to try Mariana again. Got the 1004 again, half in Beer House, half in Brewmaster, half in Porcupine, then I had names but went to Fly to check anyway, a long journey because buses fucked up because of teachers’ strike and demo. Names were correct, so came back to Montagu Pyke for three more I think, then straight to Mariana. Two old men in front of me, then me, £55. Lay down with her quietly first, before we started kissing, her moaning again, then her on top, then her standing against the chest-of-drawers smashing everything out of the way, then her bending over bed, then her flat on bed on her stomach, before I could hold back no longer. All that drink in me and I still came. The best fucking for years.

“Oh why I cannot have met you in real life!” she said afterwards as we dressed. “Always boys I meet it is bad behaviour, or bad sex.” She kept laughing and talking to herself in Greek in her passionate throes. Hottest fuck in Soho ever.

Next time thought I must try this same thing with blodne Italian Maria, all positions. I cannot wait.

9th July 2014

A couple in the Porcupine then along Lisle Street just to have a look at this girl Maria at No.4 and my God she is absolutely beautiful. Blonde little thing, like a blonde --, rather shy nervous smile & manner, but so sexy. Her skin MILKY, TRANSLUCENT.  Curvy perfect little petite body. I said no and went to Waxy’s Little Sister for a pint to ready myself and think about it, but could not drink the pint fast enough, before I could rush back. Stayed for £20 handjob only, she lay back legs apart and let me wank myself looking at her. Stunning. I came away almost shaking, shaking my head in disbelief, thinking this is the kind of girl you will be thinking about for the rest of the day. Went straight to Bateman Street, went past Georgia's door because I thought I will try upstairs first, maybe Tatiana, but then walking in the bedroom was a black-haired sexy-looking young thing, Greek Mariana. I had to stay. Again just £20 handjob, but she started kissing me open mouth tongues so passionate, groaning, climbed on top of me and was riding me her knickers grinding into my cock, gasping. She got off and was checking the sticky cum in her pussy. I tipped her an extra £15. Like blonde Roxy but even more. 

Shaking back to Montagu Pyke, some sexy girls standing outside and their sexy friend just leaving. Big cock poking through my trousers, I tried to calm down then got bus to Fly.

-- started at 4 and I was on the train home at 802, so I couldn’t have stayed long. I was already drunk before 4 even, of course, so I soon went back to Soho, returned to Mariana for 20 minutes this time, she climbed on top and was fucking me passionately but I was going soft so tired so drunk. Unsatisfactory. Down into Romanian Mary in basement for desultory handjob. She never took any clothes off and was rude to me afterwards saying she should charge me extra for that. Long time till I see her again. Though I would like to fuck her just to be inside her once at least. 

6th July 2014

I walked down to Porcupine where Italian was behind bar! Had 4 pints then went to Newport Court and let Zara give me a handjob. I did not find her as mindblowing as I did last time and I will not go to her again. From there I had to walk around a lot to find a cash machine again! then went to 52 Greek Street basement for Bulgarian Zara. I paid £20 then left and went for half in Montagu Pyke, then went and spent £20 with Spanish Mary in Tisbury Court. No desire for her anymore, she has deteriorated a lot, will not go again. Back to Zara and now she let me stay for 20 minutes for just £45 rather than £55. Turned the lights off and opened the back door so we could hear the rain splattering down outside. It was lovely. She went on top and rode me with her huge tits bouncing on my chest. I went away again and had a half in Coach & Horses and another in Montagu Pyke, talking to two blonde half-Irish girls who were making a noise in The Commitments so had been thrown out. They left and I went back again to Zara for another £45. My God, I have found a new Pamela I think, a new Lydia. Asked her to come out with me. She seemed a little undecided. I reckon she would if I keep pushing. And I still have Romanian Mary to enjoy in the same place, and fuck her this time. And Spanish Georgia again. God Zara really turned me on, I came in the end despite 8 pints. Lovely lying with her in my arms while she just gently wanks me. I will go back.

Like an old Soho day, walking from place to place, back & forth, going to more than one model.

Wednesday 22nd January 2014

Incredible. It is an omen, I SHOULD be travelling now. My decision to travel again now is what is pushing the Euro up. Vienna coming back to life for me is lifting it like a balloon. of course I have the power to affect the weather, and I have the power to affect currencies; this is now so commonplace I usually no longer even remark on it. The remarkable has become expected. 

Westbahnhof is the centre of my Vienna, around which I centre myself. It helps that it is in the centre of the red light district, or what is left of it. As Munich Hauptbahnhof is the centre of my Munich, and of the Munich red light district. 

Tuesday 21st January 2014

Some people while away their hours in the Vienna coffeehouses.  I while away my hours in the Vienna porn cinemas. Lazy, indolent, sensual, always a girl on hand when you want one. Of course this would not be allowed in London, which is why London is such a boring shithole, and a place only to work, to earn the money to get out of London at every opportunity. Once the cinemas all close at 10, you can stroll down to one of the night bars and have a piccolo with one of the Esmeraldas (perhaps 27 euros each glass), and if you are rich enough take her into a room for 100 euros for 20 minutes, or 200 for an hour! Obviously you would have to find someone pretty tempting to cough up these kind of prices.

Walking around the centre of Vienna every building looks like a palace, it is quite extraordinary. Even the McDonald's is in what seems like a palace. Hitler liked girls with big bosoms too.  I am starting to form a real nucleus of places I like in Vienna that are very close together now. I have long had this nucleus in Munich, Berlin, and Brussels, but have lacked it in Vienna. With a bit of effort this time I have discovered it, and brought it to life. It is like the lights have finally been switched on in Vienna for me. I don't want to have to keep travelling far for my pleasures, I want everything close together, close to my hotel. So when I finish I just have a short stroll back to my hotel at night or the early hours. Mistakenly I always say I want to get back “home” now, forgetting I should say "my hotel". My hotels become my homes. I have never wanted a mortgage, and to own my own home, I always wanted to save all my money for staying in hotels. Ah, Sarasate-Zigeunerweisen has just come on the radio, at 430 in the morning, What a pleasure.

When I first started travelling to Europe I used to go every day to the normal tourist sites, the museums, cathedrals, etc, but did not have the nerve to go to the naughty places. Now I go to all the naughty places and I don’t have the nerve to go to the normal places. I feel so at home in the kinos, strip clubs, night bars, it takes a real brave effort to force myself to go to the museums and cathedrals, though of course I always feel enriched and proud of myself when I do.

"Later they [Kraus and Wittels] would go on to the Cafe Frohner, situated in the luxurious Hotel Imperial. Kraus was a heavy smoker, but never took a drop of alcohol. He was a gifted conversationalist and on good days, Wittels recalls, he enchanted everyone. All kinds of people -- senior government officials as well as artists, actors, and attractive girls -- would come to his table; and Kraus made them feel they were the 'centre of the universe'. Later, feeling the need to escape from the stifling atmosphere of bourgeois coffee houses, Kraus and his circle would move on to lower-class cafes patronised by prostitutes and bookies." (Edward Timms, 'The 'Child-Woman': Kraus, Freud, Wittles, and Irma Karczewska', in Vienna 1900: from Altenberg to Wittgenstein, ed. E. Timms and R. Robertson [Edinburgh University Press, 1990], p. 88) That is what I like, the lower class cafes patronised by prostitutes; much like the porn kinos in fact; you can get tea, coffee and beer there as well. Stay all day for 10 euros. 

The Marquis in Europe: Munich, Berlin, Vienna and Brussels. A look at the places Ernst Graf used to frequent.***Vienna a place where sexuality and eroticism is celebrated and enjoyed and indulged, as they know that sexuality is a vital part of life and people must have somewhere to go to enjoy it. This is one of the greatest most basic pleasures of life so it should be allowed, because it is a pleasure. How different from London, where sex is something disgusting, to be ashamed of, and stamped out. How disgusting that even in a London porn cinema a man is not allowed to masturbate, and if an inspector goes in and sees it the cinema can be closed down. private parties where middle aged men can enjoy stripers are raided by police, for what? What harm is it doing to anyone?? No one knows it is there! If consenting men and women want to hold these parties for their mutual pleasure and benefit, then what harm is it doing to anyone?? London is disgusting. Eventually you know all of Europe will go the same way, even Belgium and Holland and Germany and Austria. For now we must enjoy and treasure them while we can. No sex please we're British, how fucking true that is. Puritanical pricks who get a real hard on from closing down strip clubs and porn cinemas, they are so full of themselves after every triumph in denying people a little bit of sexual pleasure in their lives.

Monday 20th January 2014

When I go to whores or strippers, think Nana, Fu Manchu, Mata Hari, Otto Dix. I really want to go back to a time like 1997-99. When I read how painful my diary entries are from 2006, 2007, 2008, it is horrific. I don’t ever want to know pain like that again. I want the pure Priapism of the end of the 1990s.

I feel a sudden keen hunger to see Lilly again in Angelique. Her opulent body. Her body in glorious full bloom.

Going to Vienna, the many porn cinemas, the many night bars with their opulent full bodied whores, I feel like I am going back to how Soho was in the 1990s. 

The "decadence" of the Weimar Republic was having its effect on the character of nearly every man and woman in Germany and Hitler was a man of his time. Although Hitler still considered marriage and sex to be inseparable for most people, he no longer spoke unfavorably about "loose women" in private. As he later stated: "I have more respect for a young woman who has an illegitimate child and raises it than for an old maid." He openly scorned the "pretentious upper ten thousand" for their moral "hypocrisy" and the Church for its prudishness and held them "responsible for mass abortions."  "There is no more primitive instinct than love," Hitler would say, and he talked often about "wonderful," "dazzling," and "ravishing" beauties.  "What beautiful women there are," he would state, and "he certainly had an eye for good-looking women." He felt that there was something unhealthy about men who failed to "respond accordingly to the smiles of inviting maidens."

According to Maurice, he and Hitler would sometimes drift from one night spot to another looking for women.  Besides liking his women beautiful, young, sweet and dumb, Hitler also liked them full figured, especially big busted.

Christ the history of Vienna is so amazing, even after all these visits I have not even begun to scratch the surface.  "Glitter and doom". The abysses of society!

Sunday 19th January 2014 

Why delay? Why on Earth delay? What is the point of delaying? Force myself to wait till end of Feb, for what? Life is short, if I want to go, go now, What would I gain by forcing myself to delay? It is stupid, pointless. Never delay. Go now and get sated with it quickly, then I can stay in London as long as I like. But better to get sated quickly.

INCREDIBLE! 10 DAYS TILL I AM BACK IN VIENNA> why wait? Life is to be lived. Nothing to do in London, might as well keep going back to Vienna and Munich repeatedly. When i get tired of it, then I can stay in London happily. BETTER TO HAVE A DEBT AND ENJOY PLEASURE> If I waited till Feb 25 that would just be another 37 days of my life wasted in grey waiting. Better to go back at first opportunity! Live fast, like that fireball in Tintin & the Seven Crystal  Balls!

A new golden age of travelling, I will spend all my money on going to Vienna, Munich, Berlin in these dark winter months, leave myself destitute, but I am addicted to these places. I've got to try that Augustiner beerhall opposite St Michael's Church as well in Munich. Amanda the Polish girl in Vienna has brought everything back to life for me.

"He accused the Republic of tolerating all types of perversions so as to draw attention away from itself. He also accused it of fermenting a "hothouse of sexual imagery and stimulation" which threatened traditional values. "It is no accident," Hitler charged, "that more and more kinds of diversion are constantly being invented."