2018

1st November 2018

Dream this morning I went to work behind hotel reception desk and found Michela was working there too! Bending over barrier to talk to someone her short grey uniform exposed completely her naked bottom. 

Nearly 2nd November already. I’ve gone back into hibernation. I have reentered the chrysalis, and expect to stay here growing till I emerge 31st March, Serpent's Egg Night. Then perhaps better to say I have entered the egg, for my last 5 month incubation before I am reborn, to my second life.

At a pinch, and extending the egg analogy, I could make Easter my deadline. Depends on the weather. Hot weather will bring the hatching forward, cold weather allow more time. 

15th October 2018 Erotica in the Shadow of Death day

I want that Friday & Saturday night in Brussels in December. I want to be in my nest by March 31st, Serpent's Egg Night. Tomorrow is Erotica in the Shadow of Death day--20 years since the Great War started.

I must use that as a book title. 

Someone dying wants to fulfil all his erotic sexual fantasies.

Ultima Thule. B4,the plinth. NW passage.

Yes he fucks the Irish lush at the 1890s Wigmore Hall, watches the Russian singer, then fucks her in her dressing room, while saying to her "my strange disease requires strange medicines". She says "you have a bad reputation. They attribute every kind of vice to you". I shrugged as I eased myself into her from behind "anyone having this much pleasure must be wicked."

I walked around my mansion shedding my clothes.

But it is whirling to a thunderous raging confusion. The black heart drive at heart of mansion. The vampires in nighties. "The joke is on them they are still not as intelligent as me". But you have how long to live?

I do not regret anything. The pleasure of those Soho boudoirs.

"You are poisoning their minds" she observed. The crowds jeered.

He could hear them. "He has no shame!"

Grinning serene poised he stepped from his carriage "it is my job to poison them". I hid my light for so many years. Now my time is running out. I am going to burn bright like a firefly. Blaze like a supernova before I collapse like a black hole.

"Taking us all with you. Sucking us in until we can't escape."

Erotica in the shadow of Death set in 1898 fin de siecle as the war against me starts, transposing all my writing from 1998-99 back a hundred years. Woman killer in long red dress over white top which her nipples shone like two black circles. A little smile on her face as their eyes met and a suggestive twinkle. 

Then next book set in 1904-5 Munich and Berlin. Delicious depravity in the Wilhelmine capital now am a travelling Lord Byron figure. 

Rewrite my three Journals as fiction. Turn the monologues into two way conversations. So book 3 CAN become my Black piglet/Flying Scotsman book. "It is not just the dancer who exposed himself, it is the audience member". We bump into Beardsley in Erotica, his massive print covering an entire wall like Neuschwanstein. We go to first night of Wilde's play, small theatre productions where the Bernhardt figure fucks on stage like that Danish kettle show.

When could I possibly write this book? Bit by bit, let it slowly accrue. Write a perfect 5 page story, if it grows to a 6th page do be it, or a 7th. 

A series like the Patrick O'Brian books, historical fiction. Go through NP diaries for storylines. Pope, killer, etc.

10th October 2018

Looking forward to a dreamy sleepy narcotic trance-like evening in the --. Strange. Always I say never again but still I think of it like this. Like some Rowlandson Turkish harem. While publishing my books, and earning £--,000 a year in a job I love. Venus entering Scorpio on 5th October responsible for this new dreamy narcotic sensuality I feel now?

Anaya is Turkish isn't she. And Beatrice. "A secret sacred power" Mercury enters Scorpio today the 10th. That means at the moment Mercury, Venus, Jupiter and the Moon all in Scorpio together.

Magical, sexy, exciting, genuinely laugh out loud funny.

-- Dr Who at its best. Glorious. Fallen in love with Jenna Coleman, belatedly. And Matt Smith. "Carnivorous snow meets Victorian values, and something terrible is born".

Clara Oswald born Nov 23 1866. Died Oct 24 1892. 

The woman twice dead. The impossible girl.

Venus retrograde in my sign. And now mercury (along with Jupiter which has been with me these past 12 months). I feel weird. Some narcotic, dreamy sensuality lulling me into its grasp. My erections more than usually powerful. Any young ladies wishing to etc.

“In flagrante delicto. The lush lifted her skirt and bent over between two huge pot plants and I entered her from behind. While admiring the foliage. Even I was surprised at the iron hard rigidity of my tool. I came over her breasts in massive flood of white sperm in an orgasm of most exquisite pleasure.” Confessions. “The films were dire so I sat at counter in lobby with a can of Gosser. The Mongolian joined me and I undid my fly and invited her to release my member from its captivity. The third lady sitting behind us on the sofa smiled and shook her head when I invited her to join us. A pity, as in many ways she was the most attractive of the lot. I bid them farewell and crossed the road to the magnificent white palace of Josefstadter Strasse U-Bahn station and still with iron hard erection rode the train three stops back to Westbahnhof and into the Cafe Westend for my usual evening meal. My usual waiter greeted me with his customary open arms "Hello again gentleman!" His eyes flickered towards my crotch with a gleam but it was no more than he was used to. I think he had signs of a bulge too.”

One week in the life of a gentleman. This is the way I lived my life, lost in sensual pleasure. 

Yes it is I the Marquis de Shard, survivor of the great gonorrhoea plague of 1664 and quite possibly instigator of it. Leading figure in what became known later as the thirty years orgy which laid waste to over 30% of the female population of Europe from 1669 to 1699. 

Yes it is I aged 16 I began working at Rigby & Peller, purveyors of luxury lingerie and full cup bras. When they asked if I had any experience I said no, but I'd be prepared to start at the bottom and work my way up. A year later I had the honour of fitting Her Majesty the Queen for her brassieres, a magnificent beast of a woman, after which I had to leave the country. 

Yes it is I, major holder of the dogecoin cryptocurrency as I was led to believe it was named after and backed by my ancestral kinsman the Doge of Venice, only recently discovering it was named after doge the breed of dogs. My attempts to rid myself of this investment have so far been in vain.

Are there any lawyers out there who specialise in the supposed offence of frottage? Asking for a friend.

I find myself hungry for female flesh, I have to content myself with two bags of Corker's crisps and a bar of Aero.

I have no issue with the curvature of their feet, it is the elongation of the leg that I object to. I have a liking for short women. My frequently adorable wife was an oompa loompa. 

9th October 2018

My books are all about women. The beautiful women who have crossed my path, like so many black cats. 

Only thing that gets me out of bed is thought of beautiful women I might meet today.

Are all pretending to like the new Dr Who?

Why do strippers keep high heels on? A most bizarre custom.

My maid is great and I'm very lucky to have her, and I tell her that every time I have her. 

22nd September 2018

I honestly don't feel I have come into my power yet. That is almost frightening to realise. In terms of my physical beauty, sexual indulgence, sexual success, financial power, literary success. The Berlin golden age 2003-5 and Vienna 12th Night golden age 2014-16 were nothing compared to what is about to unfold from next year. My blooming and blossoming, my flourishing has not even started. And that requires the destruction, not just reduction, the destruction of my debt. That has held me back for so long. Giving up first nights would have saved me ... in September alone. A ferocious reconcentration on saving money now.

 

18th September 2018

This is what power looks like. 

People are obsessed with me. All the snatches of shocking gossip they have heard about me. They cannot get enough. I lure them into exposing their stupidity. They expose themselves. They give themselves away how much they are thinking about me all the time. The fact they try so hard to get at me, to hurt me, mock me, bring me down in any way, exposes how much I am hurting THEM. 

16th September 2018

I am a thorn in their flesh. To see me doing so well drives them around the bend. To see me blooming and blossoming, rising above them more and more, flourishing in my lush steamy pornotopia. I am a Prince among peasants. They resent me for still living amongst them. My richness, beauty, intelligence, is a constant daily reminder of their lack of it. My unspoken yet unshakeable air of superiority.

My ex-wife says I am in denial about my drinking. No I am not. I'm not. Oh no I'm not. I am in acceptance. Acceptance that alcohol plays a necessarily stimulating effect on my entire life force and in moderation is a force for good in my life. Just two cans enough to remind me Oh Christ I am so much better than these pitiful retards who attack me! Can you imagine the smallness of their wretched lives? I am a giant and I am tormenting them . I am torturing them. Carry on.

8th September 2018

NO LONGER ANY REASON TO SAVE MONEY FOR NEST MONEY. AS IT WILL BE IMPOSSIBLE. JUST A CRUMMY SINGLE ROOM FOR ME WILL BE MY LIFE FROM NOW ON. FUCK THE PAIN AWAY THAT IS WHAT I WANT. THAT TOTAL DESPAIR & NIHILISTIC SELF-DESTRUCTION AGAIN WHEN EROTICISM CAN GLOW AGAIN.

29th July 2018

It is funny when I read through my books, whenever I get to the Munich/Nuremberg chapters my soul kind of recoils, from the stodginess of it. At a deep level I recoil from Munich/Nuremberg. Obviously I will always stop off for a night in Munich while en route to Vienna.

Fascinating research in early hours of this morning about the Solvay Conference of 1927 in Leopold Park when Lemaître met Einstein, about the old location of the Gare du Midi just kind of parallel with Rue Terre Neuve level with Le Coin, the hotel where Van Gogh stayed at Blvd du Midi 71, which now is right under the huge railway bridge between Rue Terre Neuve and Blvd Stalingrad (which just used to be meadows bordering the River Senne in those days). And incredible to discover that the studio of Van Rappard that Van Gogh used to work in while in Brussels was at Rue Traveriere 8, the exact site of the Van Gogh Youth Hostel I stayed in 2003! 

Also Gestapo HQ was at Avenue Louise 1000, and of course Byron stayed in Rue Ducale 51 while writing the third canto of Childe Harolde’s Pilgrimage dealing with the Battle of Waterloo.

Enjoyed the Vienna programmes as well. Especially the bits about the extraordinary Congress of Vienna in 1815. Held in Metternich's palace which is now the Austrian Chancellery in Ballhausplatz, and those two megavamps who lived in the same building on the same floor on opposite sides of the landing in Palais Palm in Schenkenstraße. Got my first pilgrimages lined up for when I return. 

14th July 2018

"Ladies compete for his strawberries"

“My husband mistrusted water closets.” A man after my own heart.

“There's always naked tits in the finest establishments.”

Laughed six times in the first scene.

I am very partial to Natalie Dormer. Picnic at Hanging Rock, the 1976 film, is one of my ur films from my ur year 1989. I was compelled, therefore, to give the new BBC adaptation a try. “You are a ruinously spoiled child. You're not unattractive. But you lack refinement.” 

“Bad timing will define your life, Edith.”

10th July 2018

In 1888 Jack the Ripper (Michael Maybrick, if you believe Bruce Robinson; I do) was terrorising Whitechapel, and becoming the most infamous unsolved murderer of all time; in 1888 Nietzsche was in the last sane year of his life, and completing FOUR books in the one year; in 1886 a young physician called Sigmund Freud established a small medical practice in Vienna. What a time to be alive! Who will we remember from 2018? Me Ernst Graf, was living and writing in London from various locations, as well as his regular haunts in Vienna, Munich, Berlin and Brussels.

8th July 2018

High honour coming to me. I AM A WRITER. I AM THE WRITER OF THE ERNST GRAF JOURNALS I BLOOM AND BLOSSOM OVER ALL OF THEM. I HAVE BALLS AND COURAGE TO SPEAK MY MIND. I AM BYRON. I AM MAD, BAD AND DANGEROUS TO KNOW. BE SCANDALOUS. BE NOTORIOUS. SMILE, AND BE HAPPY. I HAVE THE BOOKS. FERNS. CLASSICAL MUSIC.

I DELIBERATELY did this, to provoke them. TO test them. TO ride the waves again; to create the stormy seas I need again. SLICK BLACK HAIRED F.G.LORCA, STARING SILENTLY AT CAMERA, WITH TWINKLY (OR COLD HATRED). Rain against the window at night. I don't care about how small my flat is. A NEW BEGINNING>ZARATHUSTRA. Self-evisceration. Self-hatred.

Ah, I am going through one of my regenerations again; I realise it is just like Dr Who. This incarnation has reached its end, painful death and rebirth before I am born into new glorious, next incarnation. The snake is shedding its skin again.

I think my soul is crying out for something new. WRITING gives me my power. I DO NOT REGRET WHAT I DID and SAID. I NEEDED TO BREAK INTO THE NEXT LEVEL.

My world is inside the WSK, Cine Paris, Fifth Avenue. That is my paradise. That is why I can be cocky here now: BYRON. SCANDAL. NOTORIOUS. SHAMELESS. UNREPENTANT. People look at me with sense of wonder. Dangerous. DO NOT BACK OFF. DO NOT RETREAT. DO NOT RUN AWAY. STAND YOUR GROUND (Empress of Wands). Turned on Radio Stephansdom just 10 seconds before it started playing Offenbach's Gaîté Parisienne! That is an omen if ever I saw one! Jean-Fery Rebel/ Robert Volkmann/ Wilhelm Peterson-Berger/Felix Draeseke/Johann Rufinacha. The female night time presenter of Radio Klassik Stephansdom, calling from Vienna!

Coming back to life tonight, after the long dark night of the soul of the previous 24 hours. Regaining my defiance, my mojo. Take me on if you wish. I AM BYRON. DARK SCANDALOUS UNREPENTANT. A WILD CARD. A DISTURBER OF THE PEACE. A WAVE-MAKER. NOT BACKING DOWN ONE INCH OR BEING ASHAMED ONE JOT. WITH THIS "DESPAIR" HOW MY EROTIC LIFE CAN FLARE BACK TO MAGNIFICENCE. I'M LAUGHING NOW. RELIEVED. LAUGHING THAT -- THINK THEY HAVE POWER OVER ME, THAT I AM THE MOUSE UNDER THEIR PAW, AND THAT I AM SCARED OF THEM. THEY HAVE NO IDEA OF MY POWER. I feel a need for destruction and rebirth again. Revolt. Revolt of my senses, Of my Flesh. A carnal revolt. How wonderful now: the thought of being removed from -- (and effectively unemployed) leaves me completely unmoved! In fact twitching quivering with excitement. What power this gives me! Likewise, how wonderful now I no longer crave female company whatsoever! What power this gives me! When you don’t need anything anymore, you have power over it. Mastery is to free yourself of need. Pornography is so lovely, so perfect. Older I get more I love it.

I can take a long holiday. To write Misadventures. Casanova 07-09. Travel Diaries 2015-16. And travel for a week to Brussels. A nice long hiatus. I need it. Think I got bored with the status quo. A NEW CREATURE. Amalgam of Lorca/Byron/Nietzsche. Everyone is thinking about ME now and I am the innocent one at the centre. 

24th June 2018

They are thinking about me all the time. They are infecting themselves. They do my job for me. I am taking over their minds, their lives.*** I've got my enemies where I want them: trapped on the horns of their own obsession.

Trapped on the horns of their own obsession. I can imagine how agonising it is for them. They cannot stop, as that would be to let me get away with it, and admit that I had won. So they must carry on, and so will be trapped forever in their obsession with me.

18th June 2018

Another intense dream before I woke, something about massive butterflies being released inside a massive palace, containing rainforest and everything. Vast waterfalls, all inside the building. Then some argument between those who think they should be captured and those who want them left free.

17th June 2018

How amazing I have gone from £22,999 debt to £13,999 already. Never thought it was possible. By Christmas, hopefully, that will read from £22,999 to £9,999. How incredible. And then surely the holy grail of reaching ZERO on my cards will be achievable whenever I want, no hurry. 

5th June 2018

Going down steps at -- station last night, passing below me brunette ponytail in low-cut black vest and lovely huge boobies. On display. Then she sat on bench bending over to fix shoes giving me another lovely view of those boobies spilling out. Fantastic moment.

This morning Jessy Nelson, wardrobe malfunction, finishing with Mulher Malencia. Fantastic.

Yes, my heavy drinking will lead me into an early grave, but considering I will not have a single penny to look after myself with when I get to retirement age, it's probably just as well. Burn like a firefly, expire young (not yet though! Still too many books to write! Floozies!)

I need the periods of sodden drinking, and I need the periods of abstinence. It is the pendulum that keeps my mechanism moving. The drinking leads me into 'those high nights that persuade us to put off suicide' and the abstinence enables me to record it.

Amazing how much work I can get done (writing work) after two days without alcohol. However, extrapolating that to "Just imagine what you could achieve if you stopped drinking altogether!" is a red herring (perhaps). Without the drinking, I would have done nothing.

29th May 2018

 A lovely thundery rainy warm day. Wish it could always be like this.

23rd April 2018

Interesting I feel NO desire to see -- this week, and for sure NO desire to have any relationship with her, instead a kind of phobia & revulsion at both thoughts--due to the horrific expense of money involved. This hopefully will save me.

Will the Turk ever move centre stage in my life I have always wondered? I wonder if that will finally happen with Beatrice.

Saturday night "A steamy launderette atmosphere, and smell. Thundery, lashing with rain, 1am, but warm".

Sleep all day Tuesday with two cans I hope, and Wednesday would be great to stay in as well. Two days of overcast breezy 15C only. Heatwave over. Pina Napolitano at SJSS hopefully I can avoid. Though the programme of Schoenberg, Berg & Webern is perfect. 

22nd April 2018

No, my desire to see -- in Soho is making me dangerously eroticised. The £9,999 is not going to happen. STAY THE F**K AWAY FROM THE --. Or go once a week to see that beautiful --. Allow myself these little pleasures throughout the summer. Off Tuesday and Wednesday, sleep all day Tuesday I hope, then Wednesday night is Pina Napolitano playing Schoenberg, Berg & Webern at SJSS 730pm! So tempted! -- at -- around 6pm, then jump on bus to rush back to SJSS! An exciting night!

20th April 2018

So got through about £240 in two days, all because of --. She came in Thursday in white summer dress and looked so PRETTY, so elegant, so ladylike. Had two great private dances. Then Friday she was already there in tight red trousers, tight over bum but flared at ankle, and pretty white blouse which showed off her pert upturned breasts. What a beauty Always looks so classy.

After first dance I think she came and sat with me at far end of bar nearest the private dance room, and tried hard to make conversation. She is lovely. Girlfriend material. Had a second dance then left.

So after my long hibernation I have gone a little mad this week. It is understandable. I forgive myself. It had to be done. Now pull myself back in. Resume the saving.

4th April 2018

F**king hell FOURTEENTH anniversary of seeing Riccarda in Berlin. If she was 26 then she would be 40 now. Wonder what she is doing now? Fat, beautiful, sexy still, happy?
*** Sitting on train to work reading my own paperback book, sitting on train home from work reading my own paperback book; I have achieved what I wanted to achieve in life. God bless Amazon. If anybody else ever reads a copy that is a bonus, but I have achieved what I wanted in my life in being able to read my own paperback books.

10th March 2018

Like the Earth's magnetic North Pole is always drifting, so does my erotic North Pole. 2003 it was Munich, 2004 Berlin, 2006-2010 the Flying Scotsman, for past couple of years it has yo-yo'd between Brussels and Vienna. It is pointing back to Vienna right now.

7th March 2018

Reading about prostate cancer. Yes, while young and healthy let me go to naughty places and spread my seed as much as I can, because prostate cancer treatment will affect erections. And then I can save money by NOT going to bad places. So spend the money now while healthy.

Woke thinking how amazing it will be to be in my Dorint hotel room again, naked, with bottle of Gosser, watching pornography on my computer, my naked erect cock out again. How amazing that will be. Three months down, perhaps eight more to get through? Credit cards down to 16,189 now, and surely down to 15,400 next month. Amazing progress.

This hibernation has been an incredible period, lost weight, published lots of books, made massive reduction in my credit card debt.

Friday 22nd February 2018

Still bitterly cold which makes my continence easy.
Isn't this hibernation glorious! All I do is sleep and eat, never getting out of bed at all. From January 12th to February 23rd, not set foot in a single pub, not gone out once on my days off! 43 days of saving money. 43 days of just EARNING money and not spending a single penny of it. If I could do this every year! Every January to March every year. What a difference it will make.

Saturday 16th February 2018

THIS WILL WORK OUT BETTER FOR ME. THIS IS THE BEST THING THAT COULD EVER HAVE HAPPENED. I NEED TO DO SOMETHING ELSE. THIS IS THE START OF A BRAND NEW CHAPTER IN MY LIFE. THIS IS WHERE I RISE TO MY GLORY. THIS IS WHERE MY PHOENIX RISES FROM THE FLAMES. THE NEXT JOB IS GOING TO BE THE BEST  JOB OF MY LIFE. EVERY MOVE I HAVE EVER MADE HAS BEEN FOR THE BETTER.
I LIKE TO MAKE THINGS HARD FOR MYSELF.
I AM A REBEL & A REVOLUTIONARY. I AM NAUGHTY. I HAVE TO PUSH PEOPLE.  HAHAHA! WOUNDED INNOCENCE. GOOD! I LIKE THIS FEELING. THIS IS HOW I WANT TO FEEL. A SCORPIO ALWAYS CRAVES DESTRUCTION JUST SO HE CAN RISE LIKE A PHOENIX FROM THE FLAMES ALL OVER AGAIN. I WILL RISE FROM THIS MORE GLORIOUS THAN EVER BEFORE.

I am the English opium addict, travelling around Europe in search of his sleazy fixes, his dreams, his reveries, and these are my confessions.

Thursday 14th February 2018

If I can clear my debt to almost nothing how extraordinary Munich can come back to life again,Vienna can come back to life again. Travelling in general. A warm bath to sink back into so relaxed at ease. All the time in the world.

Monday 11th February 2018

Prince, Fantômas standing above them all, pulling their strings. Exultant! The pleasure I am heading to, the pleasure I am saving up for myself. Jealousy is like gangrene, it spreads & spreads, and I am going to spread through them a bit more. Like the Great Fire of London, 1998, the Great Plague, it spreads from house to house in hours, minutes, until it consumes the entire city. Having become a figure of scandal and notoriety years ago, I had stepped back into the lion's den, back to London where it had all started, and their "discovery" of my illicit liaisons in the boudoirs of Soho had driven them into more of a frenzy than ever before. "We ain't ever going to stop mister! We've got you now! So you'd better get used to it!" "Delighted!" I said. "You'd better get used to it as well my good man. You've no idea what you've let yourself in for." I had come back to London like Dracula to Piccadilly, sending the men into a terror and their women into a swoon.

Saturday 10th February 2018

VIENNA VIENNA LOOMS ON MY HORIZON. Christmas or Twelfth Night, IF IF I can achieve that £9,999 by December.

Monday 5th February 2018

Christ looking at this Milena Velba in Berlin pictures, but particularly Milena Velba in Bavarian dirndl, makes me yearn to go back. 

Sunday 4th February 2018

The amazing thing about this hibernation is not only how much I sleep, or how rarely I shit, but how rarely I masturbate. All my drives and urges are reduced to a bare minimum.

Friday 2nd February 2018

On way to work I was thinking "Oh how I long to be back in the Vienna Dorint hotel again!" And slightly the Brussels Ibis, but nothing so much as the Vienna Dorint. Spring was amazing wasn't it. So beautiful. There is an eroticism there like I do not feel anywhere else. I am saving this money now to get me back to Vienna. That is the goal. Stop off in Brussels Ibis for sure on way there and way back, but the goal is four days in Vienna. Either December this year or March 2019.

Oh my God, just realised tonight is the THIRTEENTH anniversary of arriving in Vienna snowing. Getting into hotel just before midnight! Turning on music TV to watch Mando Diao, Galvanise, etc etc etc.

Thursday 1st February 2018

Really cold, makes it so much easier to resist the lure of pubs. This could be a new way of life, not just for now, but every year now. Through the cold months no going out on days off, no drinking in pubs. That is only for spring and summer months. Would make a massive difference to my weight I would hope, as well as finances of course.****Decided to institute a new law for myself: No drinking in pubs between Twelfth Night (5th January) and the Ides of March (15th). A nice Shakespearean tenor to it. Go mad over the twelve smoky, hairy nights of Christmas, then after Twelfth Night go into retreat. I haven't set foot in a pub since 11th January so I have made a good start. And don't get me wrong, I am allowed to drink--just not go out to pubs. I can still take a few cans home with me on the way home from work, obviously. This new regime of monkishness will also bring about substantial reduction in my travel costs, and, hopefully, my weight.

Tuesday 23rd January 2018

"The universe will always bring you what you need". Trust in the universe, do not obsess or fret over when something is going to happen. Go with the flow, and you will get it, keep doing your inner work, and it will come to you. Stay grounded in your power. Remember who you are.  

Sunday 21st January 2018

I AM TURNING LEAD INTO GOLD RIGHT NOW. I AM BECOMING AN ALCHEMIST OF MY LIFE. What was burdening me and making me heavy, I am now going to earn from. NEVER FORGET WHO YOUR TRUE ENEMY IS. THERE ARE INFINITE POSSIBILITIES, AND THINGS YOU CAN MANIFEST, FROM THIS POINT ON. I am manifesting, there is a magic about me which is quick and instant.

Saturday 20th January 2018

Absolutely great video from Venice Italy. Don't burn your bridges, because the person who seemed to have let you down will in next moment offer  you everything you wanted. So don't throw yourself into a shooting match, stay humble, and what you want is coming to you, very soon. Person you thought was enemy, is not, a lot of the time it was just timing. If I just wait, then I will get what I wanted. Do not go getting angry now, when the other side is just about to give you all you wanted. Don't go putting in claims now, then they will take their 60 hour offer away. Be good boy, humble, respect their decision, and you may yet get what you dreamed of. There are always twists & turns to come. Avoid enmity at all costs.

"What it's about in the beginning is never what it's about in the end. There is a feeling of strength in knowing your own worth, a deep sense of well being on every front." What a great quote. Yes "What it's about in the beginning is never what it's about in the end."

"A new sense of optimism fills the air around you. Things are getting better and better financially, whether you realise it or not.  It's invisible for the moment, but only because there are some cups that must be sacrificed first. Not love or ambition, but personal regrets and grudges. How is that different from any other month? Once you can put your belief in an energy that believes in you, the collective push towards success is inevitable. The world can and will be yours if you can trust the love being presented to you. Channel it into material success." Stop waiting for money to come out of the sky to save me, I hold the key myself to feel rich. Now I am slowly getting it and being able to do it.

When you let go you feel empowered. I let go of the -- fight, and I feel empowered, stronger. To hold it in reserve. For when I need it. It is INCREDIBLE how quickly I can EARN money by not going to the pub on my days off! And that is how it feels, it is more than just saving, not spending, it feels like EARNING new money, suddenly I can send so much money to my credit cards. It feels like NEW money. It is incredible.

When you give up something, that is when the greatest flowers bloom & blossom. Give up coke, give up strippers, give up London pubs. Give up the -- fight.